I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
