# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize