He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
