I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
