I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Randomize
