You're completely useless in the revolution.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
