Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaÃt comercial?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
