Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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