If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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