here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
