the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
