i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
