so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
