I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
