im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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