I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
