Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
