...so i touched it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
