you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
