Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
