i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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