I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
