You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
