there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
