Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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