he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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