He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
