I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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