Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
