OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
