so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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