he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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