I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
