what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
