my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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