PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
