bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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