When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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