mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
there's paper in my vomit.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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