Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
