my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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