My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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