just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
