So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
