Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
