Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
