so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
