So drunk its hurt
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
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Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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