I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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