Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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