my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i came on her dog
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
