My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
