Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
