Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
