hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i think i have two assholes
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
