Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
