the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
