Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
