you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
