I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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