I am puke
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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