So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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