break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
