You work out of a Hotel?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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