It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
