Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
