hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
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