she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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